Bayaan 01 of 20 · 20 min read
Pehla Bayaan
Before you read. This chapter speaks of a forced marriage, family honour, grief and a death. If it becomes heavy, the helpline numbers are at the end of the page.
Ghazal
Ek rooh ka sauda hua, ek jism fida ho gaya,
Aur kitne itminaan se ek farz ada ho gaya.
Jo khwaab dekhti thi, woh aankhein bhi cheen li gayin,
Sheher bhar mein jashn ki roshni ka samaa ho gaya.
Suna hai uske ghar mein ab maatam nahi hota —
Ek hansta hua janaza tha, jo bas rukhsat ho gaya.
Yeh mat poochho ki uss ke saath kya-kya hua,
Bas ek naya hadsa tha, jo bin bataya ho gaya.
Hum kya karein iss sheher ka, yahaan sab hi munsif hain —
Jahaan qaatil hi kehta hai: “chalo, insaaf ho gaya.”
Usey dulhan nahi, ek zinda laash kehna tha,
Magar riwaaj ke parde mein sab kuch rawa ho gaya.
Ab koi uss ki khamoshi ka matlab nahi poochta,
Jo poochne laayak tha — woh toh fanaa ho gaya.
Usey ishq hua tha, Faizan — yahi jurm tha uska,
Bas uss ek jurm ka faisla ab ja-ba-ja ho gaya.
Seedha Matlab
Ek rooh ka sauda hua, ek jism fida ho gaya
Aur kitne itminaan se ek farz ada ho gaya.
Do cheezein biki ek sher mein.
Rooh woh jo andar hai. Woh jo feel karti hai. Woh jo chahti hai. Woh jo sapne dekhti hai.
Jism woh jo baahir hai. Woh jo dikhta hai. Woh jo diya jaata hai.
Dono kisi aur ko de diye gaye.
Aur sabse dardnaak baat kitne itminaan se.
Koi afra-tafri nahi. Koi rona-dhona nahi. Koi sawaal nahi.
Jaise yeh hona hi tha. Jaise yeh normal hai.
Farz ada hua jaise koi bill pay kiya ho. Jaise koi cheque clear hua ho. Itna simple. Itna clean.
Jo khwaab dekhti thi, woh aankhein bhi cheen li gayin
Phir sheher bhar mein jashn ki roshni ka samaa ho gaya.
Pehle khwaab cheene.
Phir aankhein cheenin taaki dobara khwaab na dekh sake.
Aur phir jashn.
Yeh sher ek system ki baat karta hai. Ek aisa system jahan ek insaan ki barbadi doosron ke liye celebration hai.
Sheher mein roshni hai. Ghar sajaa hai. Log aa rahe hain. Mubaarakbaad de rahe hain.
Aur woh jis ki zindagi badli woh andar kahin andhera mai hai.
Suna hai uske ghar mein ab maatam nahi hota
Ek hansta hua janaza tha, jo bas rukhsat ho gaya.
Hansta hua janaza.
Yeh do lafz yeh is poori ghazal ka dil hain.
Ek insaan jo andar se mar chuka hai lekin baahir se muskura raha hai. Kyunki muskurana zaroori hai. Kyunki log aa rahe hain. Kyunki “kya kahenge.”
Aur ghar waale ab maatam nahi karte. Kyunki unke liye yeh Ek zimmedaari utri. Ek bojh hata.
Rukhsat yeh lafz dulhan ke liye bhi use hota hai. Aur janaze ke liye bhi.
Shayar ne dono ko ek kar diya. Kyunki uss ladki ke liye dono ek hi cheez thi.
Yeh mat poochho ki uske saath kya-kya hua
Bas ek naya hadsa tha, jo bin bataya ho gaya.
Mat poochho.
Kyunki poochhne se kya hoga? Koi sunega? Koi karega kuch?
Hadsa hua. Bin bataya.
Koi FIR nahi. Koi record nahi. Koi gawahi nahi.
Ek insaan ki poori zindagi badal gayi aur duniya ke liye yeh ek “normal cheez” thi.
Yeh woh silence hai jo sabse zyada khatarnaak hoti hai. Jab kuch hota hai sab dekhte hain aur koi nahi bolta.
Hum kya karein is sheher ka, yahan sab hi toh munsif hain
Jahan qaatil hi kehta hai, ‘Chalo, insaaf ho gaya.’
Sheher mein sab judge hain.
Sab ko pata hai kya sahi hai. Sab ko pata hai kya hona chahiye.
Sab ke paas raaye hai.
Aur qaatil woh bhi munsif hai.
Woh jo zulm karta hai woh hi kehta hai “insaaf ho gaya.”
Yeh ek aisa system hai jahan jo power mein hai woh decide karta hai ke kya sahi hai. Aur jo kamzor hai uss ki awaaz woh “dramaa” hai. “Zyada ho raha hai.” “Sab mein yeh hota hai.”
Usey dulhan nahi, ek zinda laash kehna tha
Magar riwaaj ke parde mein sab kuch rawa ho gaya.
Zinda laash.
Jism hai. Saans hai. Chalna hai. Bolna hai.
Lekin andar koi nahi.
Dulhan kaha kyunki kapde dulhan ke the. Mehndi dulhan ki thi. Joda dulhan ka tha.
Lekin woh insaan woh dulhan nahi thi. Woh ek qurbaani thi.
Aur riwaaj tradition custom uss ne sab kuch rawa, acceptable bana diya.
Jo galat tha woh riwaaj ke parde mein theek ho gaya.
Yeh parda yeh bahut purana hai. Bahut logon ne iss parde ke peeche bahut kuch saha hai. Aur bahut logon ne iss parde ko use kiya hai apni cruelty ko “culture” ka naam dene ke liye.
Ab koi uski khamoshi ka matlab nahi poochta
Jo poochne laayak tha, woh toh fanaa ho gaya.
Pehle koi tha jo poochta tha.
“Tum theek ho?”
“Kya hua?”
“Bolo main hoon.”
Woh insaan fanaa ho gaya.
Shayad chala gaya. Shayad door ho gaya. Shayad uss ne bhi haar maan li.
Aur ab koi nahi poochta.
Khamoshi hai aur khamoshi ka koi matlab nahi poochta. Kyunki sab ko lagta hai “ab theek hai. Adjust ho gayi hogi.”
Adjust. Yeh lafz yeh bahut khatarnaak hai. Jab log kehte hain “adjust kar lo” woh keh rahe hain “apna dard chupa lo. Humein uncomfortable mat karo.”
Usey ishq hua tha, Faizan, yeh jurm tha uska
Bas uss ek jurm ka faisla ab ja-ba-ja ho gaya.
Jurm, ishq.
Uss ne mohabbat ki. Bas. Itna hi.
Kisi se dil laga liya. Kisi ko chahne laga. Kisi ke saath ek zindagi sochi.
Aur yeh jurm tha.
Iss sheher mein. Iss system mein. Iss ghar mein.
Aur uss jurm ki saza har jagah mili.
Ghar mein. Rishtedaron mein. Mohalle mein. Uss ki apni zindagi mein.
Ja-ba-ja, har jagah. Har taraf. Koi jagah nahi bachi jahan woh saza na mili ho.
Yeh maqta hai aur yeh is poori diary ka premise hai.
Ishq jurm nahi hai. Lekin iss duniya mein bahut logon ke liye ishq sabse bada jurm hai.
Aur yeh kitaab, yeh uss jurm ki gawahi hai.
Afsana
Duniya mein nabbe feesad (90%) log apni mohabbat isliye kho dete hain kyunki unhein darr hota hai ki “Log kya kahenge.” Aur baaki bache hue dus feesad mein se, aksar log yeh azaab bardasht nahi kar paate aur is duniya ko hi chhod dete hain.
Log samajhte hain ki maut saansein rukne se aati hai. Unhe kya pata... ki maut toh usi din aa jati hai jab baap ki ‘Izzat’ ke aage, beti ka ishq zinda dafan kar diya jata hai.
Qabristan ki mitti abhi gili thi. Sardi ki hawa mein rone ki aawaz thi. Rehman us kacchi qabar ke paas zameen par baitha tha.
Uske haath mein sirf teen laal gulaab the. Na ek kam, na ek zyada. Usne woh teen gulaab Aqsa ki mitti par rakh diye. Uski aankhon mein aansu nahi the, kyunki jinke wajood (soul) mein aag lag chuki ho, unke aansu aankhon tak aane se pehle hi bhaap ban kar udd jate hain.
Usne qabar ke thande patthar ko chhua. Aqsa. Woh ladki jo pichle 3 saal se Rehman ki tahajjud ki dua thi, aur aaj... woh is mitti ke neeche hamesha ke liye so rahi thi.
Theek ek saal pehle ki baat hai. Raat ke 3 baj rahe the. Rehman ke phone ki screen par Aqsa ka naam chamka. Usne pehli ring mein phone utha liya.
“Rehman... tum so rahe ho?” Aqsa ki aawaz mein ek thehraav tha. “Mohabbat karne wale soya nahi karte, Aqsa. Tumhari aawaz sunne ke intezaar mein aankhein band toh kar leta hoon, par neend nahi aati.” Rehman ne badi shiddat se jawab diya.
Aqsa halka sa muskurayi, par us muskurahat mein ek anjaana darr chupa tha. “Agar neend nahi aati, toh aankhein band karke sochna... ki tumhari baazu mein main hoon.” “Agar yeh khwaab hai,” Rehman ne aankh band kiye hue kaha, “Toh mujhe isse kabhi tootne nahi dena... Tum meri aankhon ka woh sapna ho, jise main aankhein khol kar bhi dekh sakta hoon.”
Aqsa ki aawaz achanak bhari ho gayi. “Agar sach mein sapna ho jaati, toh kya tum mujhe hamesha yaad rakhte?” “Tum meri haqeeqat ho!” Rehman thoda sakht hua. “Agar tum khwaab ban jaogi toh main bhi tara ban jaunga. Agli baar yeh sawal mat poochna.”
Aqsa aansu pochte hue boli, “Agar saath chalna itna hi zaroori hai, toh phir yeh duniya humein alag kyun kar rahi hai, Rehman?” “Duniya sirf deewaron ka naam hai, Aqsa. Aur hamara ishq in deewaron ko bhi gira dega.”
Par aurat ka dil aaney wale toofan ko pehle hi bhaap leta hai.
“Agar hum sach mein bichhad gaye toh?” Aqsa ne sisak kar poocha. “Jawab do na Rehman... tumhe meri qasam.”
Rehman khamosh hua. Phir usne ek aisi baat kahi jo sirf ek paak-baaz mard hi keh sakta hai:
“Toh main Allah se har hoor ko wapas de kar, sirf tumhe mangunga, Aqsa... Jannat mein bhi agar mujhe tum nahi mili, toh main wahan bhi sajde mein gir kar ro dunga. Tum mujhe is duniya mein bhi chahiye, aur jannat mein bhi.”
Aqsa toot chuki thi. “Rehman... agar main qabristan tak chali gayi, tab bhi?” “Main tumse pehle mar jaunga Aqsa,” Rehman ka gala bhar aaya. “Par in aankhon se tumhari maut dekhne ki himmat mujh mein nahi hai.”
Aqsa ne tab ek ajeeb sa waada liya tha. “Waada karo, meri qabar par sirf teen gulaab laoge. Ek bhi kam nahi, aur na ek zyada.” Rehman ne qasam khate hue kaha tha, “Main sirf teen gulaab nahi launga Aqsa... main apni saari zindagi tumhari mitti ke saaye mein bitaunga. Suna hai dil ke qareeb jo hota hai, woh khwabon mein aaya karta hai... tum bhi aaogi, dekhna.”
Mohabbat jab ameer baap ki ‘Izzat’ se takrati hai, toh baap apni beti ko zinda dafan karna pasand karta hai, par kisi gareeb ki mohabbat ka haath thaamna nahi.
Aqsa ne jab Rehman ko bataya ki uske Abbu nahi maanenge, aur usey bhagne ka mashwara (advice) diya, toh Rehman ne ek sachhe mard ki tarah inkaar kar diya.
“Humein Abbu ko thodi manana hai Aqsa, humein toh Khuda ko manana hai. Dil tod kar ghar nahi banaya jata meri jaan. Main chor nahi hoon jo tumhe raat ke andhere mein bhaga le jaaon. Anjaam jo bhi ho... main tumhe kabhi bewafa nahi kahunga.”
Baap ki ego jeet gayi. Aqsa ka nikaah ek ameer gharane ke ladke, Kaif, se zabardasti karwa diya gaya. Jism parde mein tha, kanooni paper par dastakhat ho gaye the, par rooh wahi Rehman ki chaukhat par thehar chuki thi. Nikaah mein ‘Qubool hai’ kehte waqt Aqsa ko aisa laga jaise usne zehar ka pyala pi liya ho.
Suhaag raat. Kaif kamre mein aaya. Use laga ki aurat ek showpiece hai jo shadi ke baad mard ki property ban jati hai.
Usne Aqsa ke kareeb aakar uska haath pakadna chaha.
Aqsa jhatke se piche hati. Uski aankhon mein ek aisi shanti thi jo maut se pehle aati hai. “Mere qareeb mat aana Kaif,” Aqsa ne thandi aawaz mein kaha. “Mera nikaah tumhare sath sirf is kaagaz par hua hai. Meri rooh kisi aur ki malkiyat (property) hai.”
Kaif ka ego hurt hua. “Tum ab meri biwi ho Aqsa! Yeh filmi drame band karo.”
Aqsa ne Kaif ki aankhon mein dekhte hue woh baat kahi jo mard ke guroor ko zameen par patak de:
“Aurat bimar insaan ke sath saari zindagi guzara kar sakti hai Kaif, par kisi jhoothe rishte ke sath ek pal nahi. Yeh jo tum mard samajhte ho na ki aurat shadi ke baad automatically tumhari ho jayegi... yeh tumhari sabse badi galatfehmi hai. Sun lo gaur se... Agar is duniya mein tum aakhiri insaan bhi bache hote na... toh bhi main tumhare sath ek bistar par saans nahi le paati.”
Kaif ne gusse mein Aqsa ko thappad mara aur kamre se chala gaya. Aqsa royi nahi. Use us thappad mein apna sukoon mil gaya tha. Usne Rehman se bewafai nahi ki thi.
Sach kya tha? Sach yeh tha ki mohabbat jab raste mein kisi aur ke haath mein dikh jaye toh aashiq mar jata hai... lekin jab aashiq ko khud hi kisi aur ke hath mein zabardasti baandh diya jaye, toh woh har roz marta hai. Rehman sadkon par chalte hue pagal ho chuka tha, par Aqsa ki paakizgi par uski aayat jaisi yaqeen thi. Usne doston se kaha tha: “Mera aaina agar gairon ke mehel mein bhi sajha diya jaye... toh mujhe itna guroor hai meri jaan, ki us aaine mein shakal aaj bhi meri hi dikhti hogi.” Aur yahi guroor, yahi wafadari... Kaif ke liye maut ban chuki thi.
Aqsa ki shaadi ko chhah (6) mahine ho chuke the. Woh Kaif ke sath ek chhat ke neeche rehti, par uske wajood ko apne rooh ke ek inch qareeb bhi aane nahi deti thi.
Sardi ki kaali raat thi. Baarish ghar ki khidkiyon par pattharon ki tarah baj rahi thi. Kaif nashe mein dhut kamre mein aaya.
Pichle chhah mahine se uska mardana guroor ek zehar ban kar uski ragon mein ghoom raha tha. Uski daulat, uska rutba, uska husn... sab is ek aurat ke aage kachra ho chuke the.
Kaif ne aage badh kar Aqsa ko bistar par patak diya. “Kab tak yeh sanyasan (nun) ban kar baithi rahegi Aqsa?” Kaif dahada. “Main tera shauhar hoon! Kanoon aur Khuda dono ne mujhe tujh par haq diya hai!”
Aqsa ne koi muzaahmat (resistance) nahi ki. Uski aankhon mein ek barfili shanti thi. Usne bistar par seedhe let kar apni aankhein band kar li aur apne dono haath apne seene par rakh liye, theek waise jaise kisi mayyat (corpse) ke rakhe jate hain.
“Jism par kanoon chal sakta hai Kaif. Zor-zabardasti se tum ise hasil kar sakte ho. Par yaad rakhna... tum ek zinda aurat se nahi, Rehman ki dafan ki hui biwi ka laash se hum-bistari karoge.”
Kaif ka ego phat gaya. Usne aage badh kar Aqsa ke kapde nochne shuru kiye. Duniya ki har cheez bardaasht ki ja sakti hai... gareebi, bhook, zillat, maut. Lekin ek mard ke liye sabse bada azaab, duniya ki sabse khaufnaak maut tab hoti hai... jab woh apni hi biwi ke jism ke theek baju ho... aur us aurat ki band aankhon aur kaanpte hue hothon se kisi ‘Doosre Mard’ ka naam nikal jaye.
Jaise hi Kaif ke thande haath Aqsa ki gardan par gaye... Aqsa ke band hothon se ek siskati hui aawaz nikli: “R... Rehman... mujhe bacha lo...”
Sannata. Sirf baarish ki aawaz. Kaif ke jism ka saara khoon jam gaya. Uske bistar par, uske theek neeche leti hui aurat... apne aashiq ko pukar rahi thi. Kaif ki aankhon mein khoon utar aaya.
Usne apne dono hath Aqsa ke gale par rakh diye. Aur us masoom, wafadaar gale ko zor se daba diya.
“Randi! Mere bistar par us do-takay ke bhikhari ka zikr?!”
Aqsa ka saans ghutne laga. Uski ungliyan Kaif ke hath ko hataane ke bajaye, hawa mein aise uth gayi jaise woh hawa mein kisi ka hath pakadna chahti ho... jaise Rehman wahi khada ho.
Aqsa ki band hoti aankhon mein koi dukh nahi tha... ek sukoon tha. Maut ka sukoon, jo use is napaak (impure) bistar se hamesha ke liye azaad kar raha tha.
Aqsa hamesha ke liye shant ho gayi. Wafa jeet gayi, aurat mar gayi, aur Kaif... Kaif zinda hokar bhi apne mardane guroor ki qabar mein dafan ho gaya. Usne murder zaroor kiya tha, par kanoon ki nazar mein nahi, usne dar-asal apni aukaat ki lachari ka qatal kiya tha.
Agle din. ‘Heart Attack’ ka bahaana dekar Kaif ne shehar mein mayyat (funeral) ka elaan karwa diya. Khokhle rishtedar safaid kapde pehan kar rone ka natak kar rahe the. Jab ghar ke aangan se Aqsa ka Janaza uthne laga, toh achanak aangan ke bade lohe ke darwaze par dastak hui. Bheed piche hat gayi.
Darwaze par Rehman khada tha. Uske baal bikhre hue the, aankhein raat bhar na sone aur rone ki wajah se laal angara ban chuki thi. Woh chal nahi raha tha, lag raha tha jaise hawa use dhakel kar le aayi ho.
Kaif ne aage badh kar Rehman ka rasta rokna chaha. “Teri aukaat nahi hai yahan aane ki! Nikal yahan se!”
Rehman ne Kaif ki aankhon mein aisi thehri hui nigaah se dekha ki Kaif ke pair zameen par jam gaye. Rehman ki aawaz jaise patalon (depths of hell) se nikal kar aayi thi.
“Peeche hat jao Kaif. Tumne is se nikaah zaroor kiya, par maine iski ibaadat ki thi. Tumne iske jism par hukm chalaya... aaj iski thakan, iske bojh, aur iske kafan ko uthane ka haq mera hai. Zindagi bhar iska bojh badhaya hai tumne... aaj iska aakhri bojh mujhe apne kandhon par uthane do.”
Bheed sannate mein thi. Kisi ki himmat nahi hui Rehman ko rokne ki. Rehman aage badha. Usne Janaze ki charpoy ka paya (leg) apne kandhe par rakha. Jab us lakdi ka bojh Rehman ke kandhe par pada, toh Rehman ke muh se ek aisi cheekh nikli jise sun kar patthar bhi fhat jayein. Usne aasmaan ki taraf dekh kar rote hue kaha:
“Khuda! Yeh kaisa insaaf hai tera? Maine toh isse apni palkon par uthane ke khwaab dekhe the... aur aaj tu mujhse meri Laila ki maut ka palang uthwa raha hai? Yeh bojh in kandhon ko tod nahi raha Maula... yeh meri naslon ki reedh (spine) ko tod raha hai!”
Qabristan ki gili mitti maut ke is manzar ko dekh kar khud rone ko taiyaar thi. Aqsa ki laash ko qabar mein utara gaya.
Jab qabar par mitti daalne ka waqt aaya, toh maulvi ne Rehman se pucha, “Beta, mitti daaloge?” Rehman ne apne dono haathon mein woh thandi mitti bhari. Usne neeche, us andheri khayee (grave) mein soti hui apni zindagi, apni Aqsa ke kafan ko dekha.
Rehman ke kaanpte haathon se mitti chooti aur kafan par giri. ‘Thap’.
Us awaaz ne Rehman ke andar ke aakhri zinda hisse ko bhi maar diya. Woh qabar ki mitti par ghutno ke bal gir gaya. Usne qabar ki mitti ko apne mathe par mala. Uske aansu mitti mein ghul kar keechad ban gaye the.
Aur tab, Rehman ne qabar ki mitti par apne dono haath maar kar ek aisi baat kahi, jisne wahan khade har insaan ki rooh ko jism se baahar kheench liya:
“Tum sab ke liye aaj ek aurat mitti ke neeche dafan hui hai... Par Khuda kasam, aasmaan gawah hai... Aaj is qabar ke sath meri rooh bhi zameen ke neeche chali gayi hai!”
Rehman ne bheed ki taraf, aasmaan ki taraf dekh kar dahada:
“Wah re duniya! Tujhe ek aashiq aur mashooqa ka ek chhat ke neeche mohabbat karna bardasht nahi... aur aaj ek mard, kisi doosre ki biwi ki qabar par baith kar aansu baha raha hai, aur tu us par taaliyan baja rahi hai? Waqai, society mohabbat se nahi darti... society darti hai is baat se ki koi unki jhothi izzat ke khilaf khada na ho jaye.”
Bheed mein khade log dhaar maar kar rone lage. Kaif wahan se muh chupa kar bhag gaya, kyunki use samajh aa gaya tha ki usne Aqsa ko nahi mara, usne ek aise aashiq ko janam de diya hai jiski bad-dua usey zindagi bhar dozakh ki aag mein jalayegi.
Sab chale gaye. Qabristan khali ho gaya. Sirf ek zinda laash us kacchi qabar ke pass baithi thi. Raat ka andhera chhane laga tha.
Rehman ne qabar ki mitti par apna gaal (cheek) rakha. Usne woh teen laal gulaab mitti par sajaye. Aqsa ne sach kaha tha, “Meri qabar bana denge, par tumhari biwi nahi.”